November 26, 2021

Compilation Album Review: "100% Hits Volume 13"

Compilation: 100% Hits Volume 13
Released: 1994 – EMI
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: None
Top ten singles:
6
Best track: "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden
Hidden gem: "4-Letter Word" by Chocolate Starfish

It's happened, friends. My quest to collect the first 18 volumes of the 100% Hits series has concluded. It's Volume Lucky 13. Or is it? There aren't really many songs that troubled the upper reaches of the charts on here. Still, low chart positions don't mean low quality. So let's take this one for a spin.

It starts with one of the worst novelty songs ever, "Absolutely Fabulous". It's credited to Absolutely Fabulous, that naff UK sitcom from the '90s, but it's ostensibly the Pet Shop Boys. Who cares. It sucks. I even listened to the whole thing to remind me of its irrevocable suckitude. Next.

"Son Of A Gun" by JX was a dance track I thought was really stupid when I first heard it – I couldn't believe a banger like "You Belong To Me" the following year was by the same 'group'! However it has grown on me. It's got this weird melancholy bit in the middle which jars with the upbeat hook of the song, which I can see taking out, to be honest.

Oh boy, 1994 was a big year for 'gangsta rap'. Which I'm not really into, but no matter. We've got Kulcha here with their usual schtick about some girl who "got it goin' awn". Whatever. Then Salt N' Pepa, who also get on my nerves, but "Heaven N' Hell" does have a couple of funny lines. Too bad whoever rapped the third voice will shred your eardrums. I'm not too interested in songs about life in the ghetto and how the "youth" will be "enlightened". I don't really care. What's next?

Oh, it's "Take Me Away", by D:Ream. It never charted, so I'd never heard this before. It's got a male and female vocalist, so that's a point in its favour. I like that in my '90s dance singles. It does sound a bit too much like M People for my liking, as in, the type of music you hear in clothing shops and whatnot. But it's got that house music wail in there, which was in a lot of '90s house tracks.

Apparently Joshua Kadison's soppy ballad "Jessie" is written about his break-up with 'actress' Sarah Jessica Parker. Oh lawd. Marcia Hines is next, with "Rain". This is years before she was a judge on some crappy music talent show so I had no idea who she was. The song's alright. Then we've got some enduring geriatrics in The Rolling Stones. "Love Is Strong" sounds like a blues bar ballad. Another song that didn't crack the top 40, so I never heard it. Thankfully The Sharp can rock it up after this with "Alone Like Me", although it's not my fave song by them (but it was the highest-charting).

Chocolate Starfish. Ergh. What a horrible band name. "4-Letter Word" is pretty rockin' though, even though it's yet another song about a girl who got it goin' awn. And for those of you who are wondering if they say the 4-letter word in question, they don't.

Collective Soul's "Shine" is okay but I wish they'd taken quicker to get to the increased tempo part. Many a bong must have been smoked to this, probably in the very studio where it was recorded. "American Life (In The Summertime)" by Francis Dunnery. It got to number 18, but I don't recall hearing it all that much. The guitar solo is pretty great, though. I'd forgotten about "I Believe" by Marcella Detroit, even though it reached number 10. Pretty good chorus, you'd think I would have remembered this.

"Black Hole Sun" is still Soundgarden's finest moment and I still can't forget their weird distorted suburbia video for the song. Brilliant! I've also seen the black doughnut-like sculpture in Seattle that inspired the song. I can't believe Rage aired the video with a scene showing a woman clearly enjoying a massive vibrator. The '90s were like that, kids. Slacker anthems abounded. Speaking of which, it's followed by another alternative rock classic in Green Day's "Longview", the first song of theirs to chart. I'm surprised they didn't censor the swearing here!

"Tunnel" by The Screaming Jets is another song I'd never heard. It's got a brass section on it, which is pretty cool. Then it's some bloke called Jon Secada. It's alright. "I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders is the final song. I remember it was being used (in full) in a three-minute ad for an animal protection society, I forget which – and that's all I can think of now when I hear this tear-jerker. Be nice to animals, folks.

Rating: 5/10

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