Retro Album Reviews: M.C. Hammer – "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" (1990)

Released: February 1990 on Capitol Records
Time since last listen: about 28 years

I spent the small hours once again listening to a rap album from 1990 that I haven't listened to since I was a kid – in fact apart from its two biggest singles "U Can't Touch This" and "Pray", I haven't listened to any of the other 11 songs on here at all since then. As with the Vanilla Ice album I never actually owned this one (until two days ago), but some kid in my sister's class at school lent it to her and I taped a copy, although I can't say I listened to it much.

Speaking of Vanilla Ice, M.C. Hammer is the rapper he was most frequently compared to, or associated with. Both of them had rap singles that blew up the charts in 1990 and both had subsequent mega- selling albums, and fast-selling too. I think they may have toured together as well, to show off their considerable dancing skillz.

But I guess that's where the similarities stop – stylistically the two rappers are quite different. Upon listening to this album, Hammer also relies on an abundance of samples. Vanilla Ice and other rappers certainly utilize this structure as well, and I'm not knocking it, because a well-placed and well-integrated sample can create a memorable song. I hadn't heard of M.C. Hammer (real name Stanley Burrell) when "U Can't Touch This" hit the Australian charts in 1990, but it turned out he'd released two albums before this and was now in his late twenties, though he hadn't made much of an impact in Australia until now.

Right, let's get into it. I'll start with the cover. Mr. Burrell certainly presents himself as a clean-cut young man, with a neat suit, gold-framed specs, three chunky gold rings and a rather nice gold watch, with a square dial. It seems this wholesome image made Hammer somewhat a figure of mockery, being 'dissed' in the wake of his success by the likes of Digital Underground (who came from the same city as him), Ice Cube, and LL Cool J, but gained support from Ice-T. I'm not sure what Vanilla Ice thought of him, but perhaps there was some rivalry there.

Now to the music. "Here Comes The Hammer" starts the album, and it's not a great opener. Perhaps its title earned it the coveted track 1 position in the running order, but there's nothing particularly noteworthy about it. It was released as a single and made the lower reaches of the Australian Top 50, but the repetitive "oh-oh"s tended to grate a bit, as does the "make it smoooooooth" parts.

Next up of course is the massive "U Can't Touch This". Smash Hits informed me it relied on sampling a song called "Superfreak", which I had never heard. As with "Ice Ice Baby", no credit for this sample was originally given (it wasn't really the done thing back then) and only once Rick James was granted co-writing credit was the lawsuit for infringement of copyright dropped. The video introduced many people to such staples as the 'running man' dance, girls in bike shorts, 'breakin' it down', and the concept of 'Hammer time', but my takeaway was the piece of advice "Either work hard or ya might as well quit", probably the song's best line. I did enjoy the song being parodied by Weird Al Yankovic two years later as well.

"Have You Seen Her" was also released as a single and is pretty naff, but has some nice harmonies. It's a slow rap ballad though, and you probably can guess how I feel about those. It's also a cover version, with Hammer dropping new lyrics on it. "Yo!! Sweetness" is notable for its very '90s double-exclamation mark in the title, but on listening to it now I noticed it contains a reference to Hammer having a mobile phone. In 1990! That's impressive, dude.

"Help The Children" samples a Marvin Gaye track and is about a social issue, but the chorus is too long for my liking, and it's repeated too often. "On Your Face" doesn't have as good a backing track as "Yo!! Sweetness" (there really need to be more songs with "Yo" in the title...I kinda miss that. I know, I need to move on).

"Dancin' Machine" reminds me of Vanilla Ice's "Dancin'" because it samples the same Jackson 5 song. It's actually a cover. "Pray" is next, coming in at track 8, the second-best song. It might even be the best, but the overweening piety of that spoken-word bit at the end kind of irks me a bit. Sound-wise though it's strong, with a well-incorporated Prince sample and I just love that bit in the video where Hammer's stooging down the street in some grimy downtown area flanked by various 'hood types – he even intervenes in a dispute between two thugs at one point. Also, I thought the chant was "That's why we pray" but it turns out they're saying "That's word we pray". The rhythm of that chant bears similarities to the title being repeated in Faith No More's "We Care A Lot", a song I first heard in early 1991, but never made that connection at the time.

More social issues arrive in "Crime Story". Unlike the Vanilla Ice album, I don't think there are many lyrics about sexual prowess on this album, probably only in the following track "She's Soft And Wet". I think Hammer was just trying to get across various issues that black people in America have to deal with. Speaking of which, "Black Is Black" follows it, and do you know the title of the James Brown track sampled here? That's right, it's "Say It Loud – I'm Black And I'm Proud".

"Let's Go Deeper" and "Work This" close the album and aren't particularly worthy of mention apart from the "Work this, work this" chants which remind me of the whispered "Work it, work it" refrain of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Is Workin' It". There's a similarity of cadence there. That scream near the end of "Work This" is pretty ace though.

All in all it's a good album, and the production is decent, but I still kinda prefer To The Extreme to it (you can throw your rotten tomatoes at me later). And I have no idea why Hammer called this album Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em. This phrase doesn't appear in any of the lyrics and I'm not sure what it even means. Maybe the man himself with the baggy pants is the only one who does, so if you're reading this Stanley Burrell (fat chance), let me know in the comments.

Get me outta here! That's word, we pray.

Retro Album Reviews: Vanilla Ice – "To The Extreme" (1990)

Released: September 1990 on SBK Records
Time since last listen: 28 years

I picked up four CDs at an op shop yesterday, and three of them were from 1990 (in pristine condition I might add – that's a genuine CD collector right there). This month of February 2019 alone I have picked up five second-hand CDs that were from 1990. It got me thinking, I haven't listened to these albums in years, decades in fact, and so I decided to write these mini-reviews to see how my opinions about them have changed since then.

Vanilla Ice's first album is up first. I spent the first 57 minutes of today listening to it for the first time in about 28 years. In early 1991 my friend Jonathan bought the album on CD and allowed me to tape a copy, and we both listened to the album a lot. Jonathan would go on to become a rap fan, listening to harder-edged stuff and gangsta rap in the years to come, but back in 1991 I preferred pop-rap stuff such as was charting at the time. As such I thoroughly enjoyed this album at the age of 12, and now at the age of 40, I can still recall a lot of it. Let's take a look at each track.

Track 1 "Ice Ice Baby"
I first heard this song in late November 1990 when it had just entered the Australian charts and this girl in my class called Monika brought the cassingle of it to school. Supposedly written in 1983, it first saw the light of day in 1989 as the B-side to Vanilla Ice's first single, "Play That Funky Music". It eventually hit number 1, only the third rap song to do so in Australia, and it did the same in the U.S. The other two, "U Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer and "Bust A Move" by Young M.C, only managed to reach numbers 8 and 7 respectively on the Billboard Hot 100. Anyway, I memorized every lyric of this song at the time and I haven't forgotten a word of it. I knew from reading Smash Hits that the chorus' bass riff was taken from the 1982 song "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie, which I hadn't heard yet, but Vanilla Ice and his label got into some trouble due to no credit for the sample being given. It was a genius sample, giving the song its memorable hook, but it's too bad they didn't give the low-budget analogue mix a bit more polish for the album – you can hear buzz and hum, noise reduction on the top end, and the fade at the end is shoddy. Those are my only criticisms though.

Track 2 "Yo Vanilla"
This is five seconds of Ice with his voice pitch-shifted up saying "Yo Vanilla, kick it one time, boyyeeeee!" Brilliant. Smash Hits' track-by-track review gave this five stars, with the comment, "One star for each second of it!"

Track 3 "Stop That Train"
This song uses a sample from "Draw Your Brakes", a reggae track by Scotty, as its hook, and the results sound pretty good to me. You could go on about the lyrics but personally I don't care, I still like the sound of it.

Track 4 "Hooked"
To The Extreme was first released in 1989 under the title Hooked, so this is the former title track. I quite liked this song in 1991, I still do, probably because the vocals are a little bit understated here, and there's a few short samples used to good effect. I didn't have a clue what "You're hooked on that S-S-S-Y" meant all those years ago, and still have no clue now.

Track 5 "Ice Is Workin' It"
Here we see the artist born Robert Van Winkle explore new-school rap with more understated instrumentation, whispered vocals a la "Ice Ice Baby". I probably like it more now than I did 28 years ago.

Track 6 "Life Is A Fantasy"
The sultry backing track sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of an '80s teen movie; Weird Science perhaps. Yikes! I remember when Smash Hits interviewed Vanilla Ice and asked him what his last dream was about, he responded with the first few lines of this song, to which the interviewer asked "Did you just make that up?"

Track 7 "Play That Funky Music"
This was the second single, and the version on the album has had its first and second verses changed from the original 1989 version (which had "Ice Ice Baby" on the B-side). I dunno, I kind of prefer the original version, so I don't know why he changed it. He gets a fair bit of stick for the "Steppin' so hard like a German Nazi" lyric in this new version, so maybe he should have left it as-is. Anyway, the chorus of this song is also a sample, although I didn't know this back in 1991. Probably the second-best song here.

Track 8 "Dancin'"
Eh, this song's okay. I wasn't too enthralled by it, but it's not bad or anything. However I do find that "Come on, girl!" sample irritating, then and now.

Track 9 "Go Ill"
On the vinyl release of Hooked this track is listed as "Go 111"! Someone clearly wasn't "with it" at Ichiban Records. This track is one of the better ones, a few cool samples in there, notably a James Brown one, so it scores points for that.

Track 10 "It's A Party"
The female singer blows on this one, but Ice's rapping is pretty rapid in some bits, so I like it. I think this is the only track with a "swear word" in it.

Track 11 "Juice To Get Loose Boy"
A similar high-pitched voice intro. Smash Hits only gave it two stars, saying "This nine-second ditty doesn't quite capture the same essence as "Yo Vanilla".

Track 12 "Ice Cold"
More James Brown sampling and a somewhat Asian feel on the keyboard chords, but this song isn't as good a deep cut as "Go Ill". 

Track 13 "Rosta Man"
Some might say it was a misguided move to emulate Caribbean music (isn't it 'rasta' instead of 'rosta'? I have no clue), but Vanilla Ice at least doesn't put on the phoney 'patois' seen in many a lame early '90s 'ragga' track. Not sure what's being sampled in the chorus but it's pretty nice.

Track 14 "I Love You"
It's a soppy ballad which even has a saxophone, but apparently Ice hates it and didn't want to record a slow song, but the president of his record company Charles Koppelman insisted there be a slow song on the album and gave him a ton of money to do so (a "couple million bucks" according to Ice). As the album's denouement it's a bit twee (it wasn't on Hooked at all), and its synth bass sometimes distorts on the low notes due to the limitations of the recording equipment. I guess even a couple million bucks doesn't get you the best sound quality.


Track 15 "Havin' A Roni"
A very strange conclusion to the album – just over a minute of beatboxing (I didn't know it was called beatboxing, but I'd heard it on another album from 1990 which used beatboxing to finish the album – World Power by Snap!, on a track called "Only Human"). It's nonsensical and weird, and I have no idea what a "roni" is, but it's an interesting listen nonetheless.


So there you have it. I still think this album is an enjoyable listen, even though I can hear a bit more of the audio limitations in it, but there are some interesting drum sounds, samples and of course that killer "Under Pressure" hook in there. Ice comes off as a bit boastful, but I guess that was the point of most rap, wasn't it? You gotta show off to some degree.

Yo man, let's get outta here. Werd 2 ya mutha.

Compilation Album Review: "Smash Hits Of The '80s"

Compilation: Smash Hits Of The '80s
Released: 1989 – CBS
Number of tracks: 32
Number one singles: 12 — "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles, "I Got You" by Split Enz, "Antmusic" by Adam & The Ants, "99 Luftballons" by Nena, "Down Under" by Men At Work, "Venus" by Bananarama, "Respectable" by Mel & Kim, "I Should Be So Lucky" by Kylie Minogue, "Out Of Mind Out Of Sight" by Models, "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" by Samantha Fox, "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going" by Billy Ocean, "The Flame" by Cheap Trick
Other top ten singles: 16
Best track: "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles
Hidden gem: "Darling It Hurts" by Paul Kelly & The Coloured Girls

Synths! Drum machines! Sax solos! Krill! Yes, it's time for an extra heaping helping of EIGHTIES MUSIC. Good times. As you can see from the T H I C C jewelcase above, this is a double CD released by the good folks at Smash Hits mag-o-zine. I'll tell you up front there is no Dire Straits, Proclaimers or Pet Shop Boys on this release. So, what is there then?

Well, the compilers have thrown in a massive 28 tracks that made the top 10, so all of these should be recognizable if you're old enough to remember. You should know all the above listed number one singles like the back of your fingerless gloves. You'll have owned the vinyl singles for at least a few of them and danced around your bedroom like an ape, singing into your hairbrush. Don't tell me you've forgotten Adam Ant's distinctive looks, topless model-turned-'singer' Samantha Fox, Nena's massive German-language hit and the ubiquitous Stock Aitken Waterman fare?

You have? Well, you'll find very little to interest you here, so you'd better naff orf.

Right, now that they've gorne, it's time to talk about the other songs. Yazz, Wham!, Kylie, Jason and Bros were a staple (ha ha) of Smash Hits' pages. It was hard not to leaf through a copy in the late '80s and not see their fatuous features. But what about the early part of the decade? Split Enz is one name that comes to mind and "I Got You" still sounds good even now. There's Men At Work of course, a song that casts a very long shadow (whatever that might mean), and The Clash's "Rock The Casbah", all solid stuff that warrants multiple replays – but that's all you're gonna get from 1980-83. Wait, there's one more: "What I Like About You" by The Romantics which is still being used in commercials after nearly 40 years, even though it sounds like it was recorded in 1965.

What about the obscure stuff? Well, if you were going to choose 32 songs that epitomized the 1980s, it'd be a very difficult task for one, but I'd wager the likes of Kylie Mole, a character from The Comedy Company in 1988, wouldn't be among them. Don't get me wrong, she was funny – even the song itself is amusing and has a funny spoken ad-lib at the end. Someone on staff clearly had a bizarre sense of humour.

"Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles is my favourite song of the '80s (though it's tough to separate it from Dire Straits' "Walk Of Life" which I wish was on here). You just have to crank the volume up when it gets to disc 2, track 4. You just...have to!!

I miss you, 1980s.

Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "1987 Into The Groove"

Compilation: 1987 Into The Groove
Released: 1987 – EMI
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 2 — "Funky Town" by Pseudo Echo and "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles
Other top ten singles: 6
Best track: "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles
Hidden gem: "She's The One" by The Cockroaches

I think I've found the earliest compilation album on CD that I will ever see. From what I've been able to find, compilation albums first started coming out on the CD format in Australia in 1987. I'm not sure which one was the first, but this one must be one of the first. What a find! Whoever owned this for the last 31 years took care of it, I note. Thanks for donating it to the Mount Waverley Salvo's, whoever you are!

I should point out that this is one of the few compilation albums in my collection to include a sleeve design credit (to A&L Barnum), but possibly the only one to credit the person who did the track sequencing! One Damon Wynters, to be precise. Interesting. Well, I think so, and if you don't, that's too bad. So, good work, Mr. Wynters!

Enough talk – let's rok!!!!

Pseudo Echo's cover of Lipps Inc.'s "Funky Town" (they made the title two words instead of one) topped the Australian charts for seven weeks, and it kicks off this collection of tunes. Not a bad start, and it sets the frenetic pace for at least five more songs. Good on yer, you mulleted so-and-so's!

Billy Idol comes next, with "Don't Need A Gun". Some nice synths on this one. It doesn't sound one bit like "Rok da cradle of lurve...yeah da cradle of lurve don't rok ezy, it's true", like I was expecting, which was to come in three years' time.

After this comes the song every watcher of Rage is familiar with. Iggy Pop's "Real Wild Child" was, and still is, used for the 'breakers' and intro music of the show. Whoever chose it for the show must have picked a then-current song, but all these years later, it proved to be a good choice. That drawl of "I'm a rool wild one" has become, dare I say it, iconic.

"We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" by The Angels is instantly recognizable in Australia due to its ubiquity, and to someone my age it's mostly known for being the backing music in any number of home insurance commercials. Then it's The Cockroaches – surely not the most attractive name for a band, I grant you – but "She's The One" is a great little song. Then it's everyone's favourite rock n' roll granny (to be fair, she was in her late 40s at this point) doing "What You Get Is What You See". The first six tracks on here are solid!

"Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles is probably my favourite song of the '80s and I'm surprised the compilers made us wait until track 10 for it. To be fair though, it probably kicked off Side 2 on the vinyl release (I just checked Discogs – it does). Just a damn fine pop single that somehow captures all the exuberance of '80s youth, especially the line "All the school kids so sick of books". It ended up as the year-end number 7 song in Australia, but it only spent two non-consecutive weeks at number 1, knocked from the top spot, twice, by Kim Wilde.

If you see this anywhere, grab it and crank it up. Loud!

Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "1991 The Gun Hits"

My collection of retro compilations keeps growing...this one, from the tail end of 1990. "I'd buy that for a dollar!" Well, I did — a'right stop, collaborate n'lissun.

Compilation: 1991 The Gun Hits
Released: 1990 – Festival Records
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 3 – "Jukebox In Siberia" by Skyhooks, "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice, "Unchained Melody" by Righteous Brothers
Other top ten singles: 1
Best track: "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
Hidden gem: "Justifier" by Big Pig

This compilation came out towards the end of 1990, one of my favourite years in chart music. The Skyhooks 'reunion' single, their first new song in the ten years since their original break-up, leads it off. I actually quite like it, and thanks to Countdown Revolution I knew they were a band from the '70s from seeing another of their videos.

There's a sprinkling of decent singles here that may not have made the top 20 but are worth the inclusion anyway: "Falling To Pieces", the song Faith No More (or their label) chose for the tough job of following up "Epic"; "Miss Divine", Icehouse's last hurrah in the Australian charts; a bit of motivation for those who like being shouted at in Angry Anderson's "Bound For Glory"; and Go West's "King Of Wishful Thinking".

Considering the big hit it was soon to become in early '91, the mix of "Ice Ice Baby" included here is very strange. It's neither the album version nor the single version I'm so used to; it's the one with the weird and overly long 'trumpet and sax' break at the end. Where did this mix come from? But credit to the compilers for including a rarely-heard version, I suppose.

Then there's a few tracks you might skip over including a shambolic Irish jig from Bob Geldof in "The Great Song Of Indifference". Okay, so it managed to hit number 25 on three non-consecutive weeks, but who thought this sort of stuff was going to top the charts in 1990? It ain't no "I Don't Like Mondays", Bob. Anything by Concrete Blonde or Wendy Matthews gets a pass from me as well. "Miss me with that shit", as the 'youth' say.

I never knew The Proclaimers recorded a cover of "King Of The Road", but it's still an interesting listen, even though their Scots accents sound nothing like Roger Miller's American drawl. And speaking of covers, Hothouse Flowers' version of "I Can See Clearly Now" is here too, for those who prefer an alternative to the song's reggae arrangement.

Rating: 6/10