August 5, 2021

20 years since my first day in Japan

The eyes of sports fans around the world are on Tokyo right now, and on this day 20 years ago, I arrived in Japan for the first time. I was 23 years old, having had my uni graduation only three months prior. Here are my recollections of my first three days in Tokyo.

The hot and humid Sunday morning of August 5, 2001 is my first day in a country I had previously only come into contact with through Japanese classes, soaking up the culture by proxy. My involvement was typical; outings to Japanese restaurants, watching a low-res bootleg of someone’s ‘fan-subbed’ anime video, and hosting an exchange student named Gaku – the first Japanese person I ever met. Filed away in my mind during that period was the notion of Japan as the country responsible for video games, lurid cartoons, martial arts and electronic gadgets, all produced by overworked businessmen.

As the Perth group of twenty English teachers-to-be stagger off the plane into the Tokyo dawn, our suitcases are tagged and forwarded to our respective prefectures. Our first day in Japan has barely reached the breakfast hour and the humidity is enough to wilt flowers. I manage to board the coach first, where I stretch out and fall asleep on the back row of seats.

When I awake we are no longer in Chiba prefecture where Narita Airport is. We are now surrounded by towering skyscrapers on all sides in the Tokyo district of Shinjuku. The name means ‘New Lodgings’. New indeed. There are probably enough buildings to house the entire population of Australia. The gleam from the windows do a good job of temporarily blinding us as the coach pulls silently up to the Tokyo Hilton Hotel, and it is there that our group splits up. Several people are deposited there, and at the next stop, the Century Hyatt Hotel, me, my new friend Chris, then 31, and a third guy get off the bus. The three of us are escorted up to the eleventh floor.  

Chris and I look at the big brass keys in our hands and see they both bear the number 1120. We open the door to find two beds and a third bed folded out from the couch. Dropping our luggage on the beds, we stare out of the large window into Shinjuku Chuuou Kouen (Central Park) across the road. Our remaining roommate arrives after twenty minutes; Deane, from Christchurch, New Zealand. He is 28, making me the youngest of the three, but we have a lot in common. We are all bound for Gifu prefecture, and none of us have been to Japan before. In the centre of the huge expanse of trees beyond our window is a small paved area where a second-hand market buzzes with activity. To the rear is a small waterfall. You can see this below in the first photo I took in Japan, from the hotel room window.


Deane then falls asleep, so Chris and I decide to go outside and have a look around. Outside, we cross a footbridge over the road, and then over a smaller one named the Rainbow Bridge, and find ourselves in the park. The air rings with the buzzing of cicadas coming deafeningly from every tree. On the ground, people doze on mats with mosquito coils burning beside them. Chris and I do a quick lap of the market, and look at the waterfall which is named ‘Shinjuku Niagara’. We then head past the massive Keio Plaza Hotel and back to our own.

Deane is still asleep. About 11:30 the phone rings. Chris answers it, saying “Moshi moshi”. He is excited to be using the Japanese phone greeting for the first time. It is my family calling from back in Perth. I drink some water and lie down. The phone rings again; Chris’ friend Tetsu from Nagoya is in town. While Chris gets ready to meet him, I fall asleep.

I wake up to find Chris gone and Deane awake. It is already 5:30 p.m. I suggest to Deane we have a wander round, and he says he wants to go for a run in the park. In the lobby Deane runs into some of his Kiwi friends, and we stand and chinwag for several minutes before heading out towards the humid metropolis. As we pass the park, we see the sellers have now all gone. Only a few kids doing stunts on BMXs and a couple playing badminton with no net, remain. We head through the underground tunnels of Shinjuku Station and emerge into the nightlife on the other side. The sky is dark, the neon signs are pulsating, and cars choke the roads. The vivid colours and cartoon caricatures tease the eye; the flashing lights never stop. Shop stereos blast J-Pop, the perky and upbeat genre of mainstream pop music, as giant video screens on the side of buildings blare and glare with slick animated commercials.

Once again we stop to take it all in. Deane also remains silent, and he must be thinking what I am. I have seen this city depicted in a dozen anime films and TV series: as a mutated post-nuclear mega-tropolis in Akira; as a crime ridden psycho-zone in Burn Up W and as a carefree nighttime playground for ne’er-do-wells in Taihou Shichauzo (“You’re Under Arrest”). Now that I have ended up here I can see it for what it is: all of the above and more.

It may seem unbelievable in the era of smartphone cameras (and in the era of digital cameras before it), but I only took two photos on my first day in Japan – taken with my somewhat naff Olympus film camera. And the second photo wasn't even taken by me. It showed Deane and I in the hotel room and was taken by Chris.



Deane says he will head back to the park for a run, so I continue on up a stairway, through a shopping precinct and down a crowded inner-city street. Crowded is not the word, although obviously I just used it. There are 325 people per square kilometre in Japan. For ten minutes I stare around me glaze-eyed at such sights as a punk in chain-mail; a girl with him in ‘Goth Lolita’ get-up; people sending text messages as they wait to cross the street; piles of discarded magazines on meter boxes; calling cards of prostitutes in phone boxes, each one featuring a manga character; trash bags piled up on the kerb and a noticeable lack of rubbish bins; and the ever-present hordes of gaijin (foreigners).

The katakana word geemu (game) on a sign catches my eye and I follow the arrow down into a seedy video game arcade. A large fan is on full speed, barely ruffling the addled gamers’ mohawks. A few of the cabinets are just excuses for full-frontal cartoon nudity. Back in the street, I spot the pink HMV logo on the side of a building some distance away. I head towards it in the scrum of flawlessly-attired Tokyo-ites. I reach the Takashimaya Department Store, and get the lift up to the twelfth floor. Entering the massive store, I am surrounded by millions of CDs on shelves, and take a stunned moment to scan the signs above them to seek out the correct genre, which are written in English.

Even after eight years of learning Japanese I’d never bothered to learn the order of the hiragana so locating my favourite Japanese band Shonen Knife is a tad difficult. I eventually find two of their albums and scurry off to the checkout where a youth awaits me. The two CDs come to over 6000 yen – about a hundred dollars in Australian money – but my dedication to Shonen Knife refuses to let this fact sink in. Tax is not included in the stated price, which means you can never have the exact change ready. I hand over a 10,000 yen note, and he returns the change and receipt on a small metal tray. Then, producing a small card and a leaflet, he begins to explain something. I stand there and pretend to be in the know, but I do manage to surmise that he is giving me a loyalty card, with five points for every CD purchased. Luckily, part of the leaflet is in English. He swipes my card and I collect five points. I thank him and leave, my first real-life informal interaction with a Japanese person in Japan completed satisfactorily.

I have no problem getting from Takashimaya to the shopping precinct I first entered but from there I am lost. I decide to trudge down some back alleys in the hope that they somehow lead back to my hotel, but of course they don’t. I go around the block and end up on the main road. Finding one’s way is different to back home; directions in Japan are usually given by block numbers and landmarks. Most streets don’t have names; only main thoroughfares have them. Trying the opposite direction this time, I catch sight of a McDonald’s (where else), go in and order a meal. Ah, a familiar gaijin ritual. It takes them a while to make the burger, so I am given a free small Coke while I wait. I pay with a 500 yen coin. It feels strange to pay for a whole meal with one coin. As I eat, I watch a live music show on a large video screen.

Back out into the warm night I go, sticking to the main roads and find my hotel using the maps on the roadside. Chris has just returned from a place called Asakusa, and Deane has brewed some coffee which he bought from a convenience store called ampm. “Did you find the CD you were looking for?” Deane asks. I say yes, showing him my copy of Strawberry Sound. “Sweet!” he says, in that easy-going Kiwi way. How appropriate (and also inevitable) that my first purchase in Japan were two Shonen Knife CDs.

I was completely dead beat at this point, so I fell asleep without dwelling on the fact that this was my first night in Japan, with a year of living there ahead of me. But I've never forgotten that day. I was grateful to use it by going out and exploring. Perhaps the JET Programme organizers gave us that day to get used to our new surroundings.

 

A 'selfie' (even though the term hadn't been invented yet) in the Tokyo district of Akihabara,
August 7th 2001. I really felt like I had stepped into the future. 

 

Back on August 5, 2011, I chatted with Chris on the occasion of the 10th anniversary of our Japan arrival. "Wow, doesn't time fly," he said, and I hope he won't mind me reproducing his comments here. "I want to go back in time. Back to 2001."

I asked him what he remembered about that first day. "It was like a sauna!" he said. "I remember walking around Shinjuku overwhelmed. The hotel was very nice. Luckily we had good room mates, me, you and Deane. I think everyone slept that evening. I didn't, I met a Japanese friend and we went to Asakusa. I somehow felt OK the next day. We had to be careful, being hillbillies from Perth, haha."

I just reminded Chris this evening about it being 20 years. "Happy 20th JET-iversary!" he said. "Don't throw away those photos and journals. We can talk about it when we are 80! I think I didn't take a photo that day. Most were so tired and slept. Was it just three of us in the [hotel] room? We were lucky, us three. We all got along so well. Never easy staying in a room with people you don't know. I knew you so it was easy."

July 26, 2021

China 5 – "Crocodile"

Hey, a new China 5 video? Really and for true? Well, no. China 5 ceased operations in 2020, and thanks so much to the 46 people out there who listened to our songs. Well, I'm sure it was more than 46 – one of our songs ("Too Many Sushi") got nearly 10,000 plays back in the MySpace Music days...

Anyway, this is a video for the song "Crocodile", from the 4th China 5 album Republic, from 2008. This is the only China 5 song to have appeared on a compilation album! It was called Vs. The World Volume 4 and it was released in 2009.

So, why make a video for an old song from days of yore? Well, the video was originally made in 2008, but the edit was only recently completed due to the finding of some lost footage. It was a real mind trip to see this old rubbish valuable material from the past again, and has finally been reinstated into the video which it belonged.

Because of the delay in this video's release (13 years isn't that long, is it?), the version of the song isn't the one that appeared on Republic, nor is it the version that appeared on Vs. The World. It is a remastered version – Republic was remastered in January 2020, and that's the version you'll hear in this video.

Thanks to all who helped me make the video: Alfie, Leftie Lampton, Gripper Stebson, and Dougie.



July 23, 2021

TOKYO 2020 Opening Ceremony

The Tokyo Olympics. Remember it? It was going to get cancelled. But it wasn't. It's going ahead after all. And for some reason they are still being called the 2020 Olympics, not the 2021 Olympics. Don't ask me why.

Of course, tonight's opening will not be typical, but is still eagerly anticipated. So, just what has Japan done? Let's go see. I'm going to watch the opening ceremony of the Games of the XXXII Olympiad – so you don't have to! Ikuze!

 

July 23, 8:00pm [Japan time]. The stadium looks very strange with no crowds, and no noise either.

8:03. An opening video montage shows the athletes' training and development, going back to 2013 when Tokyo was announced as the host for 2020. I was surprised the chronology didn't really reference the COVID-19 pandemic at all, aside from two brief shots of a deserted Tokyo intersection. But they're going to have to address this issue at some point during the next 4 hours, I'd say.

8:04. The countdown ends with an aerial shot of the stadium lit up, looking like a zero. Neat.

8:08. A dance routine involving red ropes, representing the human body's circulatory system. I'm sure all of this was drastically scaled back; we can only wonder what was originally planned for this performance.

8:14. Introduction of the Emperor. But instead of showing him, they just cut to some random dude in a suit, with a mask on.
Wait – that IS the Emperor. My mistake. Gomennasai. Please do not have me exiled to Kyushu for my insolence.

8:20. Tempting though it is to make a joke about how Morning Musume or Godiego should have sung the Japanese national anthem, I'll...completely fail to resist the temptation, apparently. The singer MISIA does the honours here, and I vaguely remember her name from my days living in Japan 20 years ago (it's actually 20 years exactly on August 5, if you care to know).

8:25. The moment of silence shows that there are people in the audience (most likely officials), but they have remained largely silent. Apparently TV1 in New Zealand saw fit to run an ad during the brief silence. C'mon Kiwis, just because you did so well during this pandemic doesn't mean you can disrespect the dead. You used to be cool, 'bro'!

8:26. The next routine consists of Edo-jidai carpenters and some rhythmic drumming. This is another bit that has had its effect dulled by the lack of audience, but the performers gave it their all.

8:29. A male tap-dancer does a solo dance, eliciting the first polite applause so far. I guess that's what the youth™ are into these days.

8:33. The five Olympic rings, made of wood, are moved into position on a large mechanical frame. The wood was from trees planted by athletes at the Tokyo games in 1964. The rings have been rendered in different ways over the years, so this bare-wood Muji-esque iteration seems to demonstrate the concept of wabi-sabi, which is highly treasured and sought for in the Japanese Arts.

8:41. The orchestra starts up, and now the athletes enter in the Parade of Nations. Dare I sit through the whole thing? Greece enters first as per usual, and then the Refugee Olympic Team, and then the rest of them in katakana order.

8:43. Nice to see the Irish team bow in unison to the line of Japanese dancers as they entered – and the greeting was returned.

8:46. The signs bearing the countries' names in romaji and katakana look like manga speech balloons.

8:53. Italy look pretty hyped – well, they did win Euro 2020 twelve days ago and Eurovision two months ago...

9:08. The orchestra is playing the Star Light Zone theme from the very first Sonic the Hedgehog game (which came out 30 years ago!), a.k.a. the Dreams Come True song "Kusuriyubi no Kesshin". Ace! This snippet of music, probably my favourite Sonic level theme, almost did the job of an actual Sonic appearance here. Well, he is one of Japan's most famous modern cultural exports, after all.

9:30. Because Russia was banned for doping, the Russian Olympic Committee enter with the Olympic flag. If any of them win a gold medal, Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 will play instead of the Russian national anthem. It now occurs to me that there is a list somewhere of songs played in lieu of the anthem of banned nations, and I must see this list. Australia's replacement song just has to be this.

9:44. I still can't figure out why the Japanese names for Switzerland and Thailand are Suisu and Tai, respectively. They included the '-land' in the katakana renderings of Iceland, Ireland and Finland, so what gives? Can you figure it out, multiple question marks???

9:48. Star Light Zone music again! Ah, the nostalgia. If they could now crank out "Zankoku na Tenshi no Teize", they will have made my night. (Later note: As it turns out, all the music being played in this medley is from video games! Apart from Sonic, there's also music from such games as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and Chrono Trigger. So there you go.)

10:36. The Japanese athletes enter. Kudos to the organizers, they have achieved a lot in a time of immense adversity. And that's all 205 nations. No sign of North Korea at all.

10:50. 1,824 drones form the chequered Tokyo 2020 emblem in lights in the night sky, and they then form a globe of the world, as John Lennon's "Imagine" is sung for the 5th time at an Olympic opening ceremony. (I'd suggest they give this song a go.) Amazing use of drones there – the globe in the sky was beautifully done.

(As an aside: I had hoped that the zeroes and O's in the logo would appear as red circles like on the Japanese flag, as they were shown at the end of the 2016 Rio games. But it seems they changed their mind about that.)

11:19. I'm getting tired...it's now after midnight in Melbourne. The Olympic flag is now being brought in...but who will light the flame? Naomi Osaka? Osamu Tezuka? Doraemon?? I told my old uni mate Ben that I'll be disappointed if Pikachu doesn't appear in this ceremony, and he said "And if the Olympic flame isn't lit by a Charizard, I'm out."

11:30. The way the graphic symbols of the 50 events were acted out with actors, props and camera angles was really cool!

11:38. Pianist Hiromi plays super fast while a kabuki actor strides the stage, at the base of a stepped pyramid-thingy. It finished with the kabuki guy giving a demented stare right at the camera. What's going on here? I have no idea, but it's great.

11:42. The Olympic flame enters into the stadium (hey, that's a pleonasm), soundtracked by Maurice Ravel's "Boléro".

11:47. A doctor and a nurse do one leg of the final torch run. Hooray for frontline medical workers everywhere!

11:53. Tennis player Naomi Osaka lights the cauldron, which sits at the top of the aforementioned pyramid (later note: I think it's meant to represent Mt. Fuji). The cauldron resembles a chrysanthemum (or is it an orchid?).

Midnight. And that's it! The flame is lit, the flags are flying, the fireworks have gone off. The majority of athletes have been bussed back to the Olympic Village, where the tatami have been swept clean, the plates of fresh takoyaki and cups of hot amazake have been laid out on the dining tables, and the relentless parapara J-Pop is being pumped out over the speakers in tentative anticipation of 16 days of the pursuit of Olympic glory.

I've already been hearing the inevitable whinging about how the ceremony was too sombre, too minimal, and not a single mention of Doctor Slump or Catbus. But really, what more could they have done? Ever since that archer shot a flaming arrow to light the cauldron at Barcelona 1992, opening ceremonies have been getting more and more extravagant to the point where they have become, in the main, a tourism promotion for the host nation. As well as promoting sporting ideals they also take the chance to showcase the iconography and emblems of their country.

Of course, the Tokyo organizers were severely limited in the scope of what they could do. I'm sure from the moment they won the hosting rights 8 years ago, they would've had all sorts of extravagant and wacky ideas. Such as sushi rolls being shot out of the exhaust pipe of a Nissan Fairlady Z being driven by Mario, a kappa, and the cast of Monkey to the strains of Shonen Knife's "Watchin' Girl". Well, it would have been like that if I had been on the planning committee, anyway.

July 9, 2021

Compilation Album Review: "Hit Machine 9"

Compilation: Hit Machine 9
Released: 1995 – Festival
Number of tracks: 20
Number one singles: 2 – "Back For Good" by Take That, "Mouth" by Merril Bainbridge
Other top ten singles: 6
Best track: "Everybody On The Floor" by Tokyo Ghetto Pussy
Hidden gem: "Old Pop In An Oak" by Rednex

Here's the second Hit Machine I found today. This one takes me back to 1995 which was my final year of high school. There were some memorable tunes that year that were not, in fact, "Gangsta's Paradise". I know, right? Hard to believe. So, bring on the nostalgia, small round plastic disc!

It opens with "Everybody On The Floor", a frenetic dance track that I thought was really rather good despite its repetitive nature. It also had an amusing video set in...some kind of weird laundromat? The German duo (Stuttgart Ghetto doesn't have the same ring to it) behind Jam & Spoon were also responsible for this, and it's a step in the right direction. This song goes hard, and even for idiots like me who can't dance, usually induces a fair bit of head-nodding and fist-pumping. Especially when I go to the laundromat, ho ho.

Next up are the odious house duo The Outhere Brothers (is it 'out here' or 'out there'? Who cares) with "Don't Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)". Said duo didn't appear in the video for this, their first single, but employed the use of stock cartoons, a trick very cleverly also used by whoever edited the "Excalibur" video for F.C.B. It's nowhere near as good a song as "Boom Boom Boom" which almost topped the charts, but is still okay (now that those iffy 'sexual' lyrics have been removed). Although this makes the song a hell of a lot shorter. And the final cry of "Beeeeyatch!" has been left in. Was this really necessary, Outhere Brothers? Whatever.

The dance-fest continues with track 3 with the ace rave-trance anthem by N-Trance, "Set You Free". They'd become best known for "Stayin' Alive" which reached no.1 later in 1995 but this is my favourite song by them. More fun memories of high school here. I still remember the bit in the video where the singer's singing while fireworks are going off behind her. Come on, get to the next song or I'll start bawlin'.

Oh, it's the Eurodance act with a very topical name in the Year of Our Lord 2021: Corona. And I reckon it's better than the song they're best known for, "The Rhythm Of The Night". But "Baby Baby" is a far superior song. It just is. The 2007 Sunblock cover (which featured the original vocalist) is really good as well.

Next is the Real McCoy with some Eurotrance. "Run Away" is perfectly passable dance muzak but it somehow lacks the deep-seated drama of "Another Night". It has a nice synth line after each verse, though. Then comes the M-People yet again with their 1,773rd single, "Open Your Heart". And no, that's not the Madonna song being covered. Just as well.

Oh boy, I'd never heard this next one until now. Rednex followed up the insanely popular (or irritating, depending on how you look at it) "Cotton Eye Joe" with "Old Pop In An Oak", which sounds pretty much identical. It has the same male vocal chorus/violins/female verse/synthesized banjo sequence. It even ends in the same way, with a solo male vocal. Actually, it's not all that bad. Melodic enough for my liking. I heard these guys were Swedish, is that true? I wonder how well these hillbilly antics were received in Scandiwegia.

I'm not a fan of either of the two chart-topping singles on here, to put it mildly. Especially "Mouth" by Merril Bainbridge. I hate that song with the fiery fury of a thousand suns. Now I didn't mind her follow-up single "Under The Water", but you would have to travel far and wide to find someone who hates "Mouth" as much as I do. The puerile and idiotic lyrics, the twee vocals and the generic rubbishy backing music make this one of the least enjoyable listening experiences ever. Thus, the Australian public, who have no taste, sent it rocketing to number 1. Even the video, with its close-ups of mouths, was something best avoided. It makes me shudder to even think about it.

I thought "Here Comes The Hotstepper" by Ini Kamoze was a bit strange when I first heard it. Like they forgot to finish the percussion part or something. And I think this is the first time I've heard "Mr. Natural" by Mental As Anything since 1995. It's pretty good! Sadly these guys have ceased all future activities with the death of 'Greedy' Smith in 2019, and "Mr. Natural" was their final single to make the top 40.

Another band scoring their final hit on here is the Divinyls with "I'm Jealous", which got to number 14. It's not a bad song and did pretty well, but would prove to be their final appearance on the chart. "I might kick her face in" is a nice line, too.

My second-favourite song on here is "Digging The Grave" by Faith No More, a much darker song than the two singles chosen to lead off their previous two albums. King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime is one helluva'n album, though I was disappointed to see guitarist Jim Martin had left the band – he was such a big part of their sound. Dean Menta is an ace guitarist though. Hey, FNM are track 14 on here, which they also were on Smash Hits '95. How fascinating.

Hmm, "You Suck" by The Murmurs is on here. The Murmurs suck. I remember back in 1995, standing at the counter of the Echo Chamber, a music shop in Carousel (a shopping centre in Perth), paying for a CD, when some kid comes up to the counter and asks another girl behind the counter, "Do you have 'You Suck'?" No other info, they (can't remember if it was a boy or a girl) just said that. And the girl behind the counter goes "You Suck?" and the kid replied "You Suck". And the girl told them no. Although I'd wager there were about 39,998 unsold cassingles under a dead kipper gathering dust in the back room.

Anyway, "You Suck" is a crappy song. It is also responsible for the "Contains offensive language" warning on the cover. Also, they didn't censor the swearing in this song, or in the printed lyrics either. (Maybe that's why the Echo Chamber didn't want to sell it to that kid.) But wait, they did print the swear word in the Heather Nova track, but used the version where the line was changed? I don't know what the rules are anymore!

The final song on here is "No More I Love Youse" by Annie Lennox. No, she hasn't become an Australian bogan. Not that I'm aware of. That is just the facetious way I spelled the title of "No More 'I Love You's". It's actually a cover, which I only just found out. What the hell is going on with that demented laughter in the middle eight? Did the producers think it was 'funny' and just leave it in? Such are the mysteries of life, my friend. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Except the Murmurs. They suck.

Rating: 6/10

Compilation Album Review: "Hit Machine 4"

 

Compilation: Hit Machine 4
Released: 1994 – BMG
Number of tracks: 20
Number one singles: 1 – "Boom! Shake The Room" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince
Other top ten singles: 7
Best track: "Slave To The Music" by Twenty 4 Seven
Hidden gem: "Born In The Ghetto" by Funky Poets

I went to Savers today and found not one, but two Hit Machines! That's a rare occurrence indeed. So let's get into it, starting with the fourth volume of the series.

Twenty 4 Seven get to lead off proceedings with one of the best dance tracks of the early-to-mid-'90s in "Slave To The Music". Still a fine tune even now, and it also has one of my favourite lyrics in pop music: "I can't live my life without jammin', that is why my life is so slammin'". Brilliant. For some odd reason the first two verses of lyrics have been omitted from the booklet. Bah!

Speaking of the lyric booklet, I also found it odd that it prints the word "niggas" several times for Xscape's "Just Kickin' It" but censors that word in the song itself. Actually that particular term is misspelled in the booklet, but you get the idea. Maybe they thought it was okay to write it but not say it? 

It's really difficult to separate "Slave To The Music" from Urban Cookie Collective's "Feels Like Heaven" as to which is the better dance track. They're both brilliant, but in different ways. I bet they'd fill a dancefloor in mere seconds at a '90s-themed rave night. As you can see above I went for "Slave..." as the superior song, slightly because the above-quoted lyric. When it comes to that he raps/she sings subgenre of Eurodance that I was such a fan of in the '90s but doesn't seem to exist anymore, Culture Beat's "Got To Get It" and "Maximum Overdrive" by 2 Unlimited complete the 1994 trifecta.

While the likes of Twenty 4 Seven, Urban Cookie Collective and Culture Beat are largely unheard of in 2021, M-People's "Moving On Up" is still well known thanks to its ubiquity on radio. It's not as good a song as the ones by those aforementioned artists, in my opinion.

Gawd, E.Y.C. sure did suck, didn't they? Select magazine wrote in their reviews in 1994, "Three bronzed troupers from Planet Ken come down to Earth and make a crap LP about falling in lurve. And that's it. The whole gamut from A to A". And that about sums it up. "Feelin' Alright" has a good bassline but the rest of the song is forgettable. If you're into rubbish boy bands then Take That are also on here with more of their atonal caterwauling.

"Open Up" by Leftfield and John Lydon barely cracked the top 40 but is actually very good. Come on, the dude from Sex Pistols does the vocals on it, how can you lose?

A quarter of the songs on here I'd never heard before. They are by Baby Animals, Depeche Mode, Xscape, Defryme and Funky Poets. The best of these is probably the Funky Poets, but Defryme are pretty good too. Didn't listen to them much in high school.

And that's why my life is so slammin'.

Rating: 6/10