Christmas Carols – how old are they?

They're probably older than you think, old boy!

I made this little infographic to show just how old some of them are. Perennial favourite "White Christmas" – the original version by Bing Crosby – clocks in at a sprightly 77 years, and I'll bet you didn't know that "Jingle Bells" is now a 162 year old song.

But it's happy 300th birthday to "Joy To The World" (its lyrics, at least)! Surely that says something about their songwriting that ensures these songs and hymns have continued to be enjoyed for so long. Merry Christmas!

Compilation Album Review: "100% Hits Volume 17"

Compilation: 100% Hits Volume 17
Released: 1995 – EMI
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 2 – "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal, "Insensitive" by J**n A***n
Other top ten singles: 3
Best track: "Common People" by Pulp
Hidden gem: "Devil's Diary" by The Caulfields

The seventeenth installment of the indefatigable 100% Hits series contains tracks from mid-1995, and there's some stuff here chart fans might not know, given that 13 of the 18 tracks here didn't reach the top ten – most of them didn't trouble the top 40. That don't necessarily mean bad, though. For instance the track I've chosen as my 'hidden gem' is one whose artist I'd never even heard of! I had never heard of The Caulfields before and yet their picture is one of four who graces the cover, as you can see above – along with Seal, Chris Isaak and complete tone-deaf muzak nobody J**n A***n! (As you may have guessed, I can't stand that stupid song "Insensitive" or the idiot who "sings" it. Have a look at my post recapping the Top 10 of August 19, 1995 if you really wanna know why.)

Let's get the nondescript pap out of the way first – "Water Runs Dry" by Boyz II Men, "Everytime You Go Away" ("every time" should be two words there) by Kulcha and "Shoot Me With Your Love" by D:Ream are all entirely forgettable and just taking up space here, and I'd never heard any of 'em before. However, some other tracks I'd never heard before turned out to be pretty good! The band with the stupidest name in the world (despite some stiff competition), Chocolate Starfish, appear here with "Accidentally Cool" which ain't half bad, and I fully expected to hate Sheryl Crow's "Can't Cry Anymore" because, well, it's Sheryl Crow. But that was another tune I enjoyed as well.

The other song I'd never heard before – at least this band's version of it – was "Alice, Who The X Is Alice" by Gompie. The above mentioned previous post linked above mentions it; it's a more straight ahead cover of "Living Next Door To Alice", but still features the shouted response with the "eff-word". The version here bleeps it out, as in The Steppers' version.

I don't think I'd listened to "I Believe" by Blessid Union Of Souls since it was in the charts 24 years ago (where it reached number 18). It notably features the word "nigger" in the lyrics, which was rather confronting for its time, but the term is used in context as being one which the song's narrator finds applied to himself by someone else, so it got through unscathed.

Max Sharam is here too; I liked her a lot. I had her album for a while – until I sold it, that is. "Lay Down (Candles In The Rain)" was the third single, and it's pretty good, but I can't stand the horrible lyrics. In Max's defence, it's a cover.

When I checked the excellent chart resource australian-charts.com I was surprised that Paula Abdul's "My Love Is For Real" got to number 7! I wouldn't think it was a top 10 hit upon listening to it, but then again I hadn't heard it in decades. And I was surprised to see Seal's lyrics are "I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey" – for years I thought it was "on the grave". Listen more closely, 17 year old me!

Rating: 5/10

Compilation Album Review: "Smash Hits '96"

Compilation: Smash Hits '96
Released: 1996 – Columbia / Sony Music Australia
Number of tracks: 20
Number one singles: 1 – "Wonderwall" by Oasis
Other top ten singles: 7
Best track: "Apple Eyes" by Swoop
Hidden gem: "B.G. Tips – You Should Be Dancing" by E-Sensual

This is the fifth compilation I've found that was put together by dearly departed pop music magazine Smash Hits (Australian edition, 1984–2007), which I was a reader of from 1990 to 1996. I was only going to go as far as 1995 for my retro compilation collecting, but several of the tracks on here I associate with 1995 and probably charted into 1996, so it's a borderline case. And it only cost $1.45, so it's all systems go! As they say.

It opens unconventionally with "Peaches" by The Presidents Of The United States Of America, a song which has a great video, and a band I like, but it's not my favourite song by them; it seems a bit too long and meandering, and it lacks the punch and lyrical oddballness of their previous single "Lump" (which had charted at number 11, two places higher than "Peaches").

There's one-third Australian content with tracks by CDB, Human Nature (I can never distinguish those two, backing music-wise), Deni Hines, Peter Andre, Tina Arena, Hoodoo Gurus and A.K. Soul. The Hoodoos are the best of this bunch and the rest don't really stand out to me for whatever reason.

"Wonderwall" by Oasis is the sole number 1 single on here, and it's not a song I was all that fond of. People have raved about it, and it topped the Australian charts (for just one week – funny, I thought it was there for much longer) but I just wasn't into it. They followed it up with "Don't Look Back In Anger" which in my opinion is a far superior song.

The Coolio track "1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New)" has words like "ass" censored out of it – no idea why as Smash Hits never did so in the magazine itself – and it's a bit too atonal for my liking. I can't believe he followed up one of the biggest singles of the '90s with this rubbish.

A few of the well-known dance tracks of the day are here, including two instrumental hits, "Children" by Robert Miles (number 5) and "X-Files Theme" by Triple X (number 2). I never really was a fan of "Children" but it is a somewhat haunting and well-composed piece, and while the Triple X track is certainly atmospheric, it's basically just the X-Files theme sped up with a techno beat and a voice that sounds suspiciously like Dr. Robotnik from the Sonic The Hedgehog cartoons saying the show's name a few times.

Lastly I've got to mention "Macarena", and thankfully it's the Los Del Mar cover version that appears here, which is sung entirely in Spanish. It peaked at number 2 for three weeks in September 1996, stuck behind the irritating-as-buggery Los Del Rio version with those inane English lyrics. I hate that song. The Los Del Mar one is a bit easier on the ears, and so I give an extra 0.437 of a point to whoever the compiler was who chose that instead. ¡Gracias!


Rating: 5.437/10

Compilation Album Review: "100% Hits Volume 11"

Here's the latest entry in my series of reviews for compilation albums from the '90s that I have bought second-hand and at least two decades after its release! Picked this one up today for a dollar. Let's go back a quarter-century, folks.

Compilation: 100% Hits, Volume 11
Released: 1994 – Warner Music Australia
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 3 – "Give It Up" by Cut 'N' Move, "It's Alright" by East 17, "Asshole" by Denis Leary
Other top ten singles: 2
Best track: "What's My Name?" by Snoop Doggy Dogg
Hidden gem: "Nails In My Feet" by Crowded House

The eleventh entry in the long-running 100% Hits series, this compilation has a fair bit of filler at the back end, but it's not a bad listen. It starts, oddly enough, with Snoop Doggy Dogg's "What's My Name?", which is the only song I like by him, before it gets to the first two above-mentioned number ones. I think pop music in 1994 saw a general decline in quality to previous years – sappy love ballads were everywhere – but thankfully there aren't too many here. Thanks to D:Ream and Melodie MC (the rap lyrics in "Dum Da Dum" are bloody awful, aren't they?), it's mostly upbeat. Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Relax MCMXCIII" is included as well, and I'm not too familiar with the original version, so I can't tell if it's a remix or a re-recording.

Now to the filler and non-charting tracks. This is where the title "100% Hits" becomes a bit of a misnomer. The Crowded House track, which I had never heard of, sounds a lot like "Fall At Your Feet" but is actually a rather nice song. I have a new-found appreciation for them after I recently learned how to play "Weather With You" on guitar, that I didn't have in the '90s. Gary Sweet covers a Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs song from the '70s, and then there's one of those songs about sport/sportspeople that are best avoided. In this case it's some bloke called Doug Parkinson who I'd never heard of, but he's a singer who started in the '60s and here he's singing about some cricket player. You would have to travel far and wide to find someone who hates cricket more than I do, so you can probably guess my feelings on this.

But then! It finishes with number 1 hit "Asshole", the song that won Triple J's Hottest 100 poll in 1993, and the swearing is left in! I wonder if this was intentional, because the 'clean version' of the Snoop track is used (and the word 'bitch' gets censored). Whoever was responsible for this is a legend.

Rating: 6/10

Compilation Album Review: "Smash Hits '89"

Compilation: Smash Hits '89
Released: 1989 – CBS
Number of tracks: 17
Number one singles: 1 – "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles (though the chart info supplied states 3, as according to the Kent Music Report — alternate chart to ARIA)
Other top ten singles: 12
Best track: "Buffalo Stance" by Neneh Cherry
Hidden gem: "Hurricane" by James Freud

The last year of the eighties, according to Australia's best and brightest pop magazine, as they liked to describe themselves. Well, it's a varied bunch. You can rock out with Poison ("Fallen Angel), Mental As Anything ("Rock And Roll Music") or Indecent Obsession ("Say Goodbye"), or wuss out with Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan or New Kids On The Block. But the wussy stuff is just as important as the rockin' stuff. Not only does it provide some contrast (you don't really want to listen to 65 minutes of squealing guitars do you? And if so, please seek help now), but it's all about painting the picture of the pop landscape that prevailed at the time.

I owned a single issue of Smash Hits from 1989. I didn't buy it new, I picked it up in some second hand shop somewhere just out of curiosity. It had Kate Ceberano on the cover who I think was reviewing the singles. Anyway, it was interesting to see what was dominating the charts in the last few months before the start of 1990 when I became an avid chart follower (and Smash Hits reader soon after). I miss those times!

Rating: 6/10