Oh, is it Eurovision time again? Can someone get the Swedes to postpone it to another weekend when I'm not stuck in bed with a really bad cold? No? That's a completely pompous request, you say? Then can you ask the CEO of Ikea? No? Management of Ikea is based in the Netherlands now? Since when? Well, that's just ludicrous. A totally wasted international phone call.
Eurovision is being held this year in Malmö, a city I didn't know existed until it was referenced in an off-colour joke in MAD magazine in the late 1990s. They designed a plus-sign-shaped stage with video screen and the artists' green room was actually behind the stage behind two vertically-rising panels which also serves as the video screen backdrop. If you're struggling to visualize this, here's a picture I nicked from some website.
Ah, Sweden. I missed your irreverent and wacky humour. Petra Mede was once of the co-hosts, and as she did when Sweden hosted in 2013, she sang a song during the voting interval about how Sweden kind of feels bad about winning Eurovision so many times, but don't hate them for it as they just love Eurovision too much. The other host, Malin Åkerman, sang a line about how there's more to Sweden then "depression and Ikea". Of course for some people, depression and Ikea is the same thing.
The only country to improve on its best result was Croatia, who came second, with what was a pretty solid (and loud) song. So, who won? Well, guess what? France has not won Eurovision during my entire lifetime. And after today, that...is still true. But they came 4th, which is a good result for them. The eventual winner was Switzerland, who have not claimed first place since 1988. Their only other win was the very first Eurovision in 1956. It's always good to see a winning drought of several decades being broken.
Speaking of things being broken, Switzerland's singer Nemo broke the glass trophy during the reprise of the winning song. I didn't catch exactly how it got broken, but maybe put it down on the stage before singing next time? Oddly enough this isn't the first time that's happened – Alexander Rybak (Norway) did it in 2009 and I'm sure it's been done on at least one other occasion.
There was a lot of controversy this year, but the biggest item of note for me this year was that Luxembourg are back! A former Eurovision powerhouse with five wins to their name, they last won in 1983 and have been absent since 1993. Returning this year with what was a pretty decent song, they placed 13th in the final. (When Italy returned in 2011 after a 13 year absence, they were rewarded with second place, just as a comparison.)
The age range of the performers this year was 17 to 52. Another thing they did this year was for the first time, the so-called 'Big Six' (the five countries that automatically qualify for the final plus last year's winner) performed their songs during the semifinals, and not during the final only. "Yes, we've found a way to make this show even longer," said Malin Åkerman.
So, to the controversy. Just as the Russian invasion of Ukraine hung over proceedings in 2022, the Israel-Hamas war caused the same situation this year. So here and there you'd get performers or vote announcers advocating for peace and whatnot without directly referencing the conflict. I'm not sure what the penalties are. Cessation of booze rations in the green room perhaps?
Anyway, there was a lot of booing, audience members turning their backs to the stage, walk-outs, and other things not shown by the cameras. You can read about that in your own time if you want to know more.
Also, the Netherlands were disqualified. Booted out. Given the old heave-ho. Their singer Joost Klein qualified for the final with a song equally silly and heartfelt (something the Dutch pull off well), but after semifinal 2, the jury results were recalculated so the Netherlands would not receive any points. Their song, which would have been placed 5th in the running order, was skipped in the final – so there was no song in position number 5.
Klein's name was not even mentioned during the final. I could write up the reason why he was disqualified, but I haven't got the energy. So that's another thing you can look up yourself if you feel like reading anti-jury screeds from whiny malcontents.
Here's my annual map, with very few changes. Luxembourg is now blue!
And so...in a year with so much tension between certain countries, the neutral nation of Switzerland won. On a stage that was shaped like their flag. That's a huge plus.
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