Eurovision 2023 Wrap-up

The 67th Eurovision Song Contest has wrapped up and as usual, left us with memories of new artists, new songs, and the obligatory controversies. And as always, my annual stats map. Take a look. Go on, click on it why don't ya.

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Some items of note for the show as a whole:

Sweden was the runaway winner, right from the start of the announcement of the jury votes.

Because of the war, 2022 winners Ukraine were unable to host the contest this year, so the United Kingdom, who were runners-up, stepped in. Hosting duties were given to the city of Liverpool. Ah yes, home of that foursome who hit number one with their first three singles. Remember them? Those guys who were managed by Brian Epstein? What were those guys called again? It'll come to me...

The last time the previous year's winner did not host the contest was in 1980.

No-shows: Russia and Belarus are still banned. Bulgaria, Montenegro and North Macedonia are still out due to lack of finances. 

But guess what — Luxembourg, former Eurovision powerhouse, will be back next year! Their last appearance was in 1993, and they were relegated the following year and haven't showed up since. They've notched up 5 wins from 37 appearances, and they gave us Baccara, Vicky Leandros, France Gall, Plastic Bertrand and Nana Mouskouri for God's sake — they deserve to be back! (Okay, so none of those five were actually from Luxembourg, but my point still stands.)

No country improved on their previous best showing, but this was Sweden's 7th win which means they tie with Ireland's record for most Eurovision wins. 

Australia came 9th with Perth band Voyager, who were really good! They placed 6th at the end of the jury vote points tally (earning two 12-points) and didn't do well in the televote. It turned out that they won semifinal 2, although the semifinal scores are never announced during the show.

For the first time, the Czech Republic competed under the name Czechia, so I have adjusted my map accordingly. 

Every year there's a bonkers entry that appears to make no sense (even if you come from that country). Performance punks Let 3 from Croatia filled that spot nicely this year, with their song containing veiled allusions to the "vile psychopaths" that are the presidents of Russia and Belarus. Overt politics are banned at Eurovision (except in the voting, of course).

So great to see Iceland's Daði Freyr performing a cover of "Whole Again" during the interval of the final, as part of the 'Liverpool Songbook'. He finally got to appear on a Eurovision stage (2020, cancelled; 2021, one of his group had COVID and performed via video link).

Also great was seeing Catherine Tate read out the UK's jury vote results. She was absolutely sloshed, mind you. I was hoping she would say "Am I bovvered", but she instead said "Allons y", which is some Doctor Who thing. Who cares. 

The best jury vote announcer, probably the best one of all time, was Einar Stefánsson from Iceland announcing his country's 12-point recipient. He didn't thank the hosts, or the host city, or go on about how everyone was brought together as one under the banner of music. No. Dressed in a black BDSM costume he slowly took off his mask to reveal another one, took that off to reveal another one, and just said one word in a robotic monotone: "Au-stra-li-a".

Host Graham Norton called him "the slowest stripper ever". I'm surprised they let that guy back on the air after the Palestinian flag incident at the 2019 contest, but I'm glad they did.

Speaking of the voting, something happened this year that cheered up my shrivelled joyless soul. Nearly every single miserable year, and this is the 26th Eurovision I have watched, Cyprus' jury gives its 12 points to Greece, and Greece's jury duly gives its max points back to Cyprus. But this year, Greece didn't qualify, so Cyprus had to give their 12 to someone else! And Greece only gave 4 points to Cyprus. I know, right? The crowd was as stunned as I was. Flippin' bally 'eck lad.

If anyone saw a member of the Ukrainian entry, Tvorchi, in the green room holding up a sign reading 'Ternopil" and wondering what that was all about:

— this was in reference to the fact that Tvorchi's hometown of Ternopil was fired upon by Russian missiles during the show. Apparently they only found this out ten minutes before they went on stage. Ternopil is nowhere near the frontline, in fact it is not far from the border with Poland, so this was a targeted attack.

The various post-show threads on Reddit's Eurovision board certainly had a high sodium content. LOTS of people are enraged at Loreen winning again for Sweden (she also won it in 2012), this time with a song called "Tattoo". Personally I was ambivalent to the winning song, it was just your typical bland Nordic pop track with lyrics about nothing in particular. It didn't really excite me. She can really belt out the high notes for sure, but it was no "Euphoria".

The theories started thick and fast. People were suggesting the results were rigged so that Sweden would win and thus get to host next year, which is the 50th anniversary of ABBA winning with "Waterloo". Until Graham Norton mentioned this anniversary right at the end, I hadn't even thought about it. The fans wanted Finland, who eventually came in second, to win. Even during the vote announcements people were screaming Käärijä's name, and his song title, "Cha Cha Cha". This made the presenters uncomfortable.

Every second person was calling for the jury vote to be abolished. Loreen collected a ton of 12s in the jury votes, but not one in the televotes. 

The so-called 'evidence' of Sweden's win being rigged was that Loreen was the only artist in the green room to keep her microphone during the results (anticipating the reprise of the winning song at end of show).

A lot of fans are of the opinion that previous winners should not be allowed to compete (only one other person, Ireland's Johnny Logan, has won Eurovision twice. Three times if you count songwriter of another winning song). Someone said words to the effect of "I just think it's rude to participate in a competition you have already won before." A counter-argument to this was "Eurovision is not a charity event, or a platform to 'give someone else a chance'." So, what say you? Heaven, Hell, or I dunno, Heck?

As for me, I won't be getting on the Sweden hate train. I'll be back next year, doing what I've done for years, and that is checking out some cool new European bands and singers that Eurovision exposed me to. See ya!

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...ah yes, now I remember who that band was. Gerry and the Pacemakers!